Woop!
by admin on May 29th, 2009
Few weeks ago, my girlfriend informed me that she’s pregnant. I was planning on breaking up with her real soon, so this news came as a bit of a shock, to say lightly. Last night the tests came back, and it turned out I’m not the father. Hell Yeah!
Mucus Love
by admin on May 29th, 2009
Today, my girlfriend picked my nose for me. I didn’t even have to ask.
Impressions
by admin on May 29th, 2009
Last weekend I was at the pub with a few mates and we were throwing some darts. My turn ended and I stood next to a table to chat up a girl I had met a few weeks back. One of my friend threw a dart that bounced off the board towards me. I reflexively kicked the dart into the air and caught it, smooth as butter. The girl I was talking to was so impressed she went home with me that night! I hit that pussy all night long.
Special Friends
by admin on May 29th, 2009
Last month, i went to a birthday party for one of my wholesome friends. About a few hours into the party i was sitting on a couch with a friend, watching people enthuiasticly play twister. Thrilling, i know. As i was about to shoot myself from boredom, my “special friend” who lives across the street from the party called me. I proceeded to leave to have hot, passionate sex for an hour, and then go back to the party with cum on my leggings and ridiculous sex hair. No one said a word.
Everyone is Stupid
by admin on May 29th, 2009
It is okay to think that entire general population is retarded? I hate everyone around me. I can not go out into public without yelling at someone for doing something stupid.
I Fucked Up
by admin on May 29th, 2009
One night, while riding my bike home from an enjoyable afternoon with friends, I decide to hit up a friend’s party for a bit, thinking I’ll just drink a little, and nothing will come of it. Well, I get to the party, start drinking, and chill with a few of my friends, including one girl we’ll call “Holly”. Well, Holly’s usual make-out stud wasn’t at the party, and one of her friends told her to start making out with me. Which she did. Vigorously, in fact. Being a virgin, I’m shocked and all kinds of aroused. So, we start going at it a bit more. After a nice make-out session, she says she’s gonna take her friend home, and wants me to come with. Without a second thought in my mind, I hop on my bike and follow them back to her house. Along the way, I’m all giddy with excitement: What are we gonna do? What’s this gonna lead to? Is she gonna go down…*WHAM*Being drunk and riding a bike at 3 a.m. is a stupid idea: I got clotheslined by the retaining cable holding up a telephone pole that I NEVER saw coming. Being drunk, I hardly feel it, but my bike is worse for wear. The back tire is bent in half, and the right pedal doesn’t move. Plus, Holly lives 1 1/2 miles away; a great distance in my inebriated state. So, through sheer force of horny will, I bend the tire back (somewhat) and pedal at about 5 mph to get to her house before she goes to bed. Thankfully she’s still up, so we move to her bedroom, and get down to work. Unfortunately, while I’m entirely willing, my drunk wang is disinterested in the current situation, and I can’t get it up. So, we just end up cuddling all night. So, I fucked up my bike and my neck for nothing.
A Quickie
by admin on May 29th, 2009
So this guy in my dorm and I have a stress-relieving relationship – the day before we both had tests we decided to go for a quickie in his room. We’re doing it doggie-style standing up, me leaned over a desk when he says he’s about to come. I lifted my head to turn around & swallow but hit my head on a shelf above the desk, i fell backwards, hitting his junk & blue-balling the bitch and passed out for apparently an hour. I woke up naked to him and his friend sitting on the bed watching tv laughing at me.
Tight Hole
by admin on May 29th, 2009
After a few months of a solid relationship, I breached the topic of anal sex with my girlfriend. To my surprise, she consented.After assuming the position (doggy) we got down to business. Being the gentleman that I am, I took things very slowly. Once it was in about an inch and she said she was ok, I figured that was it, and that I could go about my business normally. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case. As I made the first thrust she let out a yelp of pain accompanied by what can only be described as an anal death-grip on my poor willy. She had a sphincter that could snap a baseball bat. As the vice tightened on me, I panicked furiously. Putting one hand on either cheek I pushed hard whilst crying out in pain. It seemed that the harder I tried to release myself the worse it got. After several minutes of screaming at her to please please release me, I decided that calmness was the way forward. After what seemed like an eternity I managed to withdraw and tend to my blue johnson. Another couple of minutes and I’d have lost him. We laugh about that night all the time.
Four Vaginas
by admin on May 29th, 2009
A few months ago I was hooking up with a girl while insanely inebriated, like I’m talking five-alarm fucked. I had ingested, to quote Hunter S, “a whole galaxy of uppers, downers, laughers, screamers,” the only logical course of action was sex at this point. The problem was I literally had no idea how do it, I couldn’t remember. My first problem was finding my penis, it had shriveled away into a prunish nub due to my dehydration, I found the little critter and we (said critter and girl) started going at it. It was probably the blood rushing to my head and the drugs flushing my system clean of anything rational, but I was starting to see things. The second problem came when the girl appeared to have four vaginas, I was seeing quadruple, I was able to get my wits about me enough to understand that this wasn’t some four vagined-land monster, no, I was the monster. But I had to pick a vagina to stick it into, I felt like I was on some twisted Japanese game show, where picking the wrong hole would spell certain doom. I closed my eyes, prayed to whatever deity covers these sorts of dilemmas and hoped for the best. Bad decision, she slapped me and kicked me out of her apartment, to this day I don’t know where I stuck my penis.
Mr. Limpy
by admin on May 29th, 2009
Once I went to visit a friend at his college. The first night I’m there, after drinking an absurd amount of alcohol, I see a really cute girl from my high school at a house party. We end up leaving my friend at the party and head to her place. One thing leads to another and we start fooling around. I get hard quick, and start to think about how long it’s been since I’ve blown a load, and how quickly I would therefore expire. Like the idiot I am, I suggest we go to the bar to get some more drinks thinking that the booze would make me last a bit longer. We go, have a few beers, and dance all around the bar. When we finally get back to her place, we resume our heated activities. Needless to say I was way too drunk and couldn’t get hard for shit. To make matters worse, I didn’t acknowledge this fact; and because I was so wasted, I asked for a condom. After failing to fit not one but two different condoms onto my limp dick, I uttered “why don’t we just finish this tomorrow morning?” The girl laughed, put her underwear back on and laughed at me as she walked away. Needless to say, I did not have sex that morning.
