Too Tight

After my last relationship, I told myself I wasn’t going to have sex for a while until I was sure about who I was with. But then one day when I was feeling lonely I was at my on again off again ex-boyfriends house and he convinced me to mess around. We get our clothes off and got going…then he stopped. No less than 2 minutes after we started, he came. Seriously, 2 minutes. He then proceeded to tell me that it was my fault, because I was too tight.

Whore Thief

A decent looking girl was into me at the bar, a little too into me. She begged me to take her home. Despite me being drunk I still only lasted a few minutes. But, she was oddly satisfied with my poor performance. The next morning, I woke up to my entire bedroom being ransacked – my blackberry is gone, most of my clothes and my computer speakers are all gone. I’m currently posting this from my school library because she stole my laptop too.

Blame the Pussy

I was watching a movie with my girlfriend in her bed. Her father left for work and we were alone in the apartment. I start kissing and feeling her and saying to myself “Woo, I am finally gonna lose my virginity!!”, then her cat enters the room. She makes a fucking gruesome roar and starts throwing up a huge mess that looks like catfood mixed with blood. My girlfriend left to get the cat to the vet. That was the last time I ever saw her. I think about her all the time, and I’m still a virgin. I am starting to think I will never have sex. I am 25 years old.